Why is this update of iOS 17.4.1 taking up so much space?

I can’t even update because this one takes up 8.5GB of storage, it’s ridiculous!!!!

Without seeing your iPhone storage top 5 list and System Data at the end nobody can comment.

If the system data is much more than 10 GB you can backup, erase all content and settings, then set up again restoring the backup. Preferably do that using a Mac, or PC with iTunes

Then you have an iPhone which doesn't meet your storage needs. Typically to do an update, you need about 10GB of free space on your phone. If you are that low in memory, you need a phone with more memory. The least amount of memory Apple includes on a new iPhone these days is 128GB.

You can use a computer with iTunes (Windows) or Finder (Mac) to do the update, which may be your only option if you don't want to delete things from your iPhone, such as apps, music, photos, email, messages, files, etc.

This link explains how to update using your computer --> Update your iPhone, iPad, or iPod touch with iTunes - Apple Support

I have this problem too. iPhone 11 and 83 Gb free according to the storage section of the settings. Definitely something shonky going on.

Back the phone up.

Erase all content & Settings

Restore from backup

With absolutely no graphical detail of any of these phones the advice can be only general.