Q: When I go to iforgot.apple.com and enter my appleid it then asks me to verify via email or by answering secret question and neither is working. Secret question starts by asking my birthday but tells me it is wrong when I enter it.

If you have a rescue email address the reset email will go to that account, that is the inbox (and spam) folder that you are checking ?

If it's not there, and you've tried requesting it again, then try contacting Support in your country and see if they can re-enable your account : Contact Apple for help with Apple ID account security - Apple Support

this is exactly the problem I'm having. I've done the same things. My rescue email is no longer in use either

If you don't have access to your rescue email address you will have to contact Support in your country to get the security questions reset.

When they've been reset update your rescue address : About your Apple ID email addresses - Apple Support