I wish I'd read the reviews! I bought the Bose kit - it's a piece of garbage. First, I had to cut a little tab off the part that fits into the headphones. Then, like you, I was dissapointed by the lack of a push-to-talk/answer button on the mike. Finally, the headphones are NOT well shielded and so the RF from the phone gets into them, especially the left ear.
I also bought the Shure mic set, and while it works OK, it doesn't do anything about the RF.
I'm going to get after Bose (and Apple) right now.
Clay Jackson