I had a what sounds like a similar problem with a refurbished iPhone I bought thru AT&T. I called Apple Support and a very nice woman helped solve the problem immediately. If I remember the steps correctly, she had me open iSync and then click on Reset Sync HIstory. There were some options that I don't remember, but basically you clear the history. Then I plugged in the iPhone again and it no longer gave me the 'disconnected' message. Instead, it said there were a number of conflicts between the iPhone and Addressbook, and I needed to choose which data to use. I chose Addressbook and it immediately synced with the iPhone. No problems ever since. I hope this solves your problem.