Not official documentation, but here are some of my handy faourites, ready to be printed out and hung on your wall:-
Here are some of my favourites:-
*Circular Structure! | Please report to Apple how you did this... | Try emptying the trash.*
Yeah, I spun my computer around my head on a bit of string. And what's my waste bin got to do with it? I tried swinging the waste bin around my head on a bit of string as well, and you're right, I shoulda emptied it first...
*Damaged project! | Repair Method: Encapsulate|Repair*
Let's hope "Repair" works. Because I know you don't have a clue what "Encapsulate" does...
*Difficult Structure of Audiodata. Maybe selection is too long?*
And no one likes Difficult Audio. Hey, good company name though...
*Error | Illegal block size*
It comes three feet further out onto the sidewalk than it should.
*Illegal cable deleted.*
You need to pay for a subscription, just like everyone else.
*Illegal column structure*
Like the Romans, we need to enforce some sense of aesthetics in our architecture...
*Deep Architecture! | Please Unpack some Folders!*
...as long as it doesn't go too deep. And your office is a mess.
*Illegal Instrument found! | Delete it?*
Yes, we know you were doing some banjo recording. Own up.
*Internal Job-Conflict*
Two other people are waiting for you to mess up and get fired...
*Invalid group name!*
Some other band is already called this. And they were much more successful than you will ever be.
*It is not useful to send MIDI Clock twice to the same port. | The setting will be corrected.*
Muppet Warning number 3: We have to protect our software from the morons.
*Minor correction of project data has taken place.*
We changed a couple of chords, and the middle8 is much better now.
*No editor on top*
Those media types like to be in control.
*No Window found*
Yeah, but it's a basement studio...
*Part of the project was not played | This project has too many real instrument tracks to be played in real-time. | To optimize performance, see the 'Optimizing GarageBand performance' page in GarageBand Help.Continue*
That's what we say in Garageband. In Logic we just get "CPU Overload".
*Path too long!*
Seriously. It took ten minutes to get from the kitchen down to the studio at the end of the garden. My coffee was cold by the time I got here!
*Please select just ONE SysEx Event*
I said ONE!!!
*Really copy Movie file? | It might use a considerable amount of disk space!*
How nice of you to be so concerned!
*Requested DSP function is unknown.*
You know, the one where we make it actually sound
good..?
*Running out of Regions*
Make sure you're running Eco-Logic before all regions are extinct...
*Some of the selected Nodes failed to connect.*
We think they might have intimacy issues.
*Sorry... | This function is not yet implemented.*
...despite being requested on every Logic mailing list and forums since, oh, Logic 2.x back in the nineties, but yes, we know you really want it, and we think it's a good idea, it's just our DSP guy is on holiday, and then when he gets back there's a mountain of paperwork, and a new temp to train, and then we've got the office Christmas party to plan... seriously, we're swamped around here!
*There was nothing to remove!*
Thanks for telling me you did nothing to nothing because nothing could be done. I'll do nothing about it.
*This drive can not be used for audio.*
- Warning for Floppy drives
*This project seems to be damaged. Please open a backup version of this project.*
You
do make backups? I hope it wasn't an important song..?
*This project was created with a newer version.*
Your mates have upgraded, but we see you're being a cheapskate. We won't let you play with them until you've caught up.
*Warning! This project was created by a newer version. | This may cause problems. | Please update*
We asked you nicely already. We're now gonna get rough.
*To many regions or other error! Please send report to Apple how you did this, or send us this project.*
Seriously! We really want an open dialog with how our users are interacting with our application, especially bugs. Go on, send us your songs! (If we can open them, of course...)
*Too many positions in Groove*
Seriously. Three times a day is plenty. It'll wear out...
*Unknown File Error*
But as long as we let you know, that's the important part.
*Warning! Memory is short!*
Note to self: Remember to buy some taller memory. I think Crucialbucks do an Extra-Tall ram module...
*Warning! | Active MIDI Transmission Buffer overflow.*
Yes, Logic can warn you of the possibility of catching STD's...
*Warning! | Damaged project!*
We hope that song s.ucked.
*Warning: | Unknown event type in project!*
Perhaps it was your uncle's birthday? Barmitzvah? World of Warcraft online gamers annual meeting?
*Warning | Reentrant in multitask*
Yeah, we don't have a clue either. We just needed some cool words for this one.
*Window not found*
I told you, it's a basement studio!
*You should stop the sequencer to get a precise Position*
The iPhone's GPS system gets interfered with when Logic is running.
*You should update your UNITOR 8 to the newest version. AMT Level 2 requires AMT Version 2.*
...although we don't make or sell them anymore. Still, ebay can be fun!
*Zero Cables to insert?*
This is Muppet Warning number 34.
*Simulation succeeded*
Film at Eleven.
*Thank you for choosing the Velocity Engine button!*
I wasn't aware that I did..? Sounds cool though. Something to do with NASA..?
*Couldn't create Launch!*
Yeah, that's what happens when the rocket engines have huge cracks in them
*^P has allocated dangerously much memory. | Less than 10 MB are available in virtual memory. This can cause crashes. Please use less audio data.*
Thank you please. Dangerously much ram crashes cause. Ram less use, say Borat.
*An Object cannot be put into itself!*
Unless it's one of them new-fangled multi-dimensional object putter-inn-ey things.
*Can't top this illegal project*
We know we removed the dongle, but these warez-heads write such great tunes!
*Damaged project or not a ^P project! Search for fragments?|Damaged projects might create problems and crashes!*
Don't get your hopes up. It's still irretrievably broken. Now might be a good time to think about your backup strategy.
*Illegal Block Offset.*
Seriously. Three feet. Onto the sidewalk.
*Internal Error | Something strange has happened. | Try to avoid it. I will*
Call Mulder and Scully.
(Although it's tricky to actively avoid something when you don't know what it is, or how and why it happened. But, like, I'll try, I promise.)
*Minor problem in data | Repair | OK*
We thought we'd like to give you an early indication that all your projects are getting hopelessly corrupted.
*Not enough memory to create clipboard/Undo! | Should never happen.*
And yet, somehow, it has...
*Nothing to delete. | If you really want to delete a track, you have to create one first.*
Muppet Warning 16.
*Old style keyboard. | DELETE and recreate it | I will*
Wow? Yes please! Turn my Casio VL-Tone into a Korg Oasys!
*Sorry, too old project format!*
Seriously, try some new ideas instead of rehashing ten year old random noodlings that in all liklihood are pretty rubbish.
*Too deep Structure!*
Try using the simpler EXS24 instead.
*Wrong Version!*
It's just wrong.
*An FPU instruction was executed and the machine doesn't have one*
How the **** was it executed, then..?
*Another computer is currently accessing and modifying your data.*
You really should have used a better password on your wireless network, you know...
