This option has been removed. Why, I don't know. Even though in iTunes you can tell iTunes not to autosync, it begins some kind of sync and resets the database on my iPhone, so when I plug it into my MBP at work to charge, everything I've listened to/watched/deleted gets set back to new, so it messes up my sync on my mac mini at home.
If Apple actually reads these things: Please Please Please put the option to NOT OPEN ITUNES WHEN DEVICE CONNECTED back!!!