iPhone shows its charging but not showing up in itunes??

What do you mean by a soft reset and a hard reset?

If you mean restoring your iPhone with iTunes as being a hard reset, no data should be lost - not when restoring your iPhone with iTunes from your iPhone's backup.

Contacts, calendar events, and Safari bookmarks are designed to be synced with a supported application on your computer so if you are syncing this data with a supported application on your computer as designed and intended, this data will not be lost. Although contacts and calendar events are included with your iPhone's backup, it isn't a good idea to depend on your iPhone's backup alone for this data.

Photos in your iPhone's camera roll are also included with your iPhone's backup, but these photos can and should be imported by your computer as with any other digital camera.

iTunes content is not included with your iPhone's backup including 3rd party apps, but all iTunes content should remain in your iTunes library and can be re-transferred to your iPhone after restoring your iPhone from your iPhone's backup, and any photos transferred from your computer to your iPhone via the iTunes sync process should remain on your computer. 3rd party app settings and data created and stored by a 3rd party app is included with your iPhone's backup.

If your iPhone is not recognized by iTunes, you won't be able to restore your iPhone with iTunes.

If you are running Windows on both computers, this link may be helpful, with re-installing iTunes the last step.

http://support.apple.com/kb/TS1495

soft reset meaning i just turned off my phone my holding down the power button and pusing over the slider.

This means powering your iPhone off and on.

An iPhone reset is done by pressing and holding the home button and the sleep/wake or on/off button simultaneously until you see the Apple logo and then release - ignoring the slide to power off when doing so. An iPhone reset does not affect any data or settings.

Re-installing and un-installing and re-installing iTunes is the very last troubleshooting step per the link I provided. Have you tried any of the other troubleshooting steps included per the link provided?

More than likely this is the issue. Reinstalling iTunes for Windows should include installing the required driver or drivers for the iPhone and if not, there may be something wrong with your PC that is preventing this.

Sorry, but it will need to be someone who is more up to speed on Windows and Windows drivers than I am.