Well you can always go back to Leopard as I doubt you've really gained very much in the first week of use of Snow Leopard. The fact that your neighbor's Linksys router and whatever brand of router at the coffee shop works points to a weakness in your Netgear router.
These home routers can be logged into by going to the router address you see in System Preferences\Network - with a browser. You haven't said which exact model you have, but there are many setup and troubleshooting guides that can walk you through updating a firmware, if one is available at all.
If your router happens to be a WGR614, then there should also be a version number on the product label as they come in at least 10 versions.
Here is Netgear's support page that might be able to help you with manuals and firmware downloads:
http://kb.netgear.com/app/
If you are able to log into the IP address for your router, you will probably have to provide a login and Password. The default Login is
admin and the password is probably
password . If you can log into your router, there is usually a menu item that will show you your firmware version. You check it against the one on the Netgear site, download theirs if it is a later version and use your browser to upload the new version into the router.
It's interesting that you can use your neighbor's wireless connection. That means they and probably others are in range of your wireless device also. Who's door do you think law enforcement officials will go to when they are trying to find a Kiddy **** downloader or somebody who is sending harassing emails or any other illegal activities? Hopefully, you have unlimited internet access for your neighbors to be able to do all those torrent downloads or Limewire downloads while crippling your speed... There's also all of those machines on your network, possibly with file sharing turned on... Do they all have passwords or are the users running XP without an Admin password like many home users?
Also, if your neighbors can log into your router and determine the brand, they can also determine the default login/password and really muck things up, change wireless security settings etc. If they can't get on your network, they can't log into your router.