I am typing this message through ARD 2.2 and Real VNC.
Here are the issues:
1) Make sure that you open the appropriate ports on your firewalls. VNC uses TCP port 59xx where 'xx' is the display number. For most windows machines this is '00'. So make sure that port 5900 is open on all firewalls between the two machines. This port is closed by default in XP and on the Mac. Make sure that both side are using the same port, since VNC can use any TCP port. [WARNING: use ssh over the Internet!]
2) Run 'RealVNC' as a service on the Windows machine. I use the free version with full satisfaction.
3) Apple
claims that you can send Ctrl-Alt-Del in order to log on to the windows machine using Control-Option-Forward Delete. Never seen it work in ARD on any machine or version. There are two solutions we use on our network: 1) Use "Chicken of the VNC" to send the Ctrl-Alt-Del from the Mac then use ARD, and 2) set the PC up to autologin. [WARNING: this is a security risk since unlike the Mac, Windows keeps autologin passwords in the clear in the registry. Worms and Virii have easy access to most items in the Windows Registry.]
http://www.realvnc.com/
http://sourceforge.net/projects/cotvnc/