ios updatet without my consent

iOS updates are only installed automatically if you go to Settings/General/Software Update and turn on Automatic Updates. If this is off the phone may download the update when the phone is idle, but will not install it unless you select to install it.

"Downloaded" and "installed" are two different things. It's going to eventually download automatically as long as there's enough available device storage. Automatic Updates off means it won't install automatically.

It may not have been when you wanted it to happen but it was with your consent. You agreed to the terms and conditions when you signed up for an Apple ID.