how do you reset or recover a forgotten parental controls password?

If you forget your 4 digit Screen Time Passcode

4 Digit Passcode is for Screen Time Restrictions

4/66 Digit Passcode is for iPhone lock screen

If you can't remember a restrictions passcode that you set on a previous version of iOS, or you forgot your Screen Time passcode, you need to erase your device, then set it up as a new device to remove the passcode.

Restoring your device from a backup won't remove your passcode.

https://support.apple.com/en-in/HT204396

Use Screen Time on your iPhone, iPad, or iPod touch - Apple Support

https://support.apple.com/en-in/HT208982