Cannot change the AirPods name or which ear does what in Settings

My AirPods connect to my phone perfectly and they work great too but they won’t let me change the AirPods name or which ear does what. I know I have to go to settings, then Bluetooth and click the “i” and it theoretically should pop up but it doesn’t. It only displays “Disconnect” and “Forget This Network”. My iPhone XSmax is fully up to date on updates.

​[Re-Titled by Moderator]