how do I unlock disablde ipad

You use iTunes to erase it and reset the forgotten passcode. See -> If you forgot the passcode for your iPhone, iPad, or iPod touch, or your device is disabled - Apple Support. And no, there is no option but to erase it - that, by design is the only way to reset a disabled device. You can restore your iCloud or iTunes backup after you’ve regained access to the device.

Hello,

Unfortunately you must now fully restore your iPad to factory settings.

Please refer to the following Apple Support documents.

If you forgot the passcode for your iPhone, iPad, or iPod touch, or your device is disabled - Apple Support

If you can't update or restore your iPhone, iPad, or iPod touch - Apple Support