No phone icon to back phone up via iTunes

Well... too many questions really. I’m trying to get windows to back up the cloud so I can back up my phone. It is taking sooooo long. Wonder if it’s really happening. When that’s done, I need to find out why I don’t have a phone icon like the one in all the videos? I’m frustrated and fuddled. I also feel that tech was supposed to give us better quality of life. I spent most of my life sorting out tech now! Cleaning the fridge and oven is a blooming luxury !!