I went throught and cleaned up my contacts and duplicates on my mac. It took for ever. Now my iphone is missing tons of the contacts. all I want to do is choose the file on my mac that syncs with my phone..... is that so difficult?

You have not mentioned where you have "cleaned up" your contacts, but I am assuming that it has been on the Contacts app on your Mac. Verify on your Mac, by going to System Preferences > iCloud, you have selected iCloud Contacts ... so that contacts on your Mac are uploaded to iCloud.

Now, verify on your iPhone, that iCloud Contacts is on. And that you are signed in with the same Apple ID as on your Mac.

Ensure that both the Mac and iPhone are connected to the internet. The contacts from your Mac should appear on your iPhone.