So I managed to fix eventually, partly with luck though (and the post from Maddie above).
hold power to switch off, then hold cmd+r and power on again. you then get the recovery screen and I tried to reinstall Big Sur, but neither my HD nor Hd-Data had room, claiming approx 15GB and 400MB required.
I then rebooted and hold alt/option to boot into some secret magic mode that allows you to select your normal HD as the OS disc, and came back to my old High Sierra desktop. I then cleared lots of files onto an external drive and repeated from the cmd+r step above.
now the mad said I needed 4GB and 700MB respectively!! I repeated, and at my desktop I noticed the Hd disks NEVER reported more than 16GB total available, despite my moving files. I tried this cycle a few times and each time, the Big Sur install gave back random amounts of disk space required - this went up and down on each cycle and made absolutely zero logical sense - Apple, this is serious cause for me to move away from your products!!! Total rubbish.
I eventually decided to run the Big Sur update from my desktop again, since the recovery option would never allow it due to disc space, and it then ran fine as long as I selected HD-Data. It then updated fine, opened up Big Sur, and now reporting about 105GB free space!! Wtf right.
probelm now is I have an old HD (presumably with a High Sierra copy somewhere on it), an HD-Data (Running Big Sur) and an HD-Data-Data (for my Data) - total mess, so trying to figure out how to do a clean install (and migrate all my Lightroom & photoshop data!).
It works. But I am not happy with Apple at all. Total joke.