my ipad is disabled and says connect to itunes but it does not appear on itunes, what should I do ?

Keeping in mind that if you don't have a backup all data will be lost on that device (except those that you eventually synced to iCloud), pay attention to the specific gestures that you need to perform while connecting your iPad to a computer (Windows 10 PC running the latest iTunes version) or Mac (which can have iTunes or Finder, depending on the macOS installed on it), and follow these instructions to re-gain access to your device:--> If you forgot the passcode on your iPad, or your iPad is disabled

Regards

Giulio