my ipad shows OS updated to 10.3.3 but I need to update to 14, how do i do that?

You don’t.

Upgrading/updating that iPad any farther will never, ever be possible.

If your iPad model has been stuck on iOS 10 for all of these past years, then you own an over 8-year old, 2012 iPad 4th generation.

That iPad model cannot ever upgrade beyond iOS 10.3.3/10.3.4.

Your over 8-year old, iPad 4th gen model is too old, now.

Apple ended support for 8-10 year old iPads, at least, over 3 years, ago.

The internal hardware in that iPad is too old, too underpowred and completely incompatible with all later versions of iOS/iPadOS.

Virtually, all third party iOS app developers ended/stopped/abandoned supporting these old iPads over two years, ago.

There are virtually, NO MORE older iOS 9 or 10 compatible apps available from the Apple iOS App Store, any longer.

There are NO MORE popular, useful apps or games for these old iPads, any longer!

Especially games as game makers push for upgrade compatibility for best interactive user and cross device gameplay.

AND, that over 4-year old default iOS Safari Web browser is too old, not secure and not safe to use to access the Internet, any longer.

There are virtually NO MORE third party Web browsers left for 8-10 year old iPads!

Available and more popular third party Web browser choices are pretty much GONE, now.

If you must use these old iPad models, here is what is left for still updated Web browsers.

Pickins’ are slim, now!

ALook Web browser

Dolphin Web browser

Maxthon Web browser

TOR private browser

TOR + VPN private browser

Turbo VPN private browser

Simply put, your 4th gen iPad is too old and obsolete now.

Sorry, but this is the reality for ALL 8-10-year old AND OLDER iOS devices now. Especially going into 2021!

There is one last thing you can try/attempt, if you need an older version of an app.

If you own much newer iOS device that can run either iOS 12 and.or iOS/iPadOS 13 and later, you can install the most recent app/s onto that more recent iOS device.

Then go back to your older iPad, open the iOS App Store, go to the Purchases section of the store app, search for the app/s you wish to try and download to that older iPad and see if an older version of the app is allowed to be downloaded/installed to that older iPad.

These newer iOS/iPadOS devices must use your same Apple ID user account and password.

Failing that OR IF NO joy, then there is nothing more to be done.

If you need/want an iPad with an up to date iPadOS with access to current, updated apps, then you really need to seriously consider a new iPad model OR a much, MUCH “newer” and less expensive, used iPad models, from better known, trusted Apple product/device retailers/resellers, capable of running the latest iPadOS versions.

There are plenty of newer, older iPad models that can run the latest, current versions of iPadOS.

Sorry & Best of Luck to You!

Get a much, much newer iPad.