my son cant remember his password on his ipad when i try to reset and connect to a computer it comes up with itunes connection then this fails.

You’ve provided no details as to what happens, or any error messages that you may see, when attempting to restore your iPad using iTunes. Before proceeding, ensure that iTunes on your PC is updated to the latest version:

Update to the latest version of iTunes – Apple Support

Once iTunes has been updated, you’re ready to attempt recovery...

If your iPad is disabled, or you have forgotten your iPad passcode, you’ll need to follow this process:

If you’ve forgotten the passcode on your iPad, or your iPad is disabled – Apple Support

You’ll need access to either a PC (with iTunes installed) or a Mac (with iTunes or Finder - as appropriate for the installed version of MacOS).

You’ll also need your AppleID and associated password. If these have also been forgotten, they can be recovered here:

https://iforgot.apple.com

To recover your credentials, you’ll need access to one of the following:

• Your primary email address mailbox that corresponds with your AppleID
• Any of the secondary/recovery email addresses that should be configured for your AppleID account
• Any of the trusted telephone numbers (fixed line or Cellular/Mobile) that are associated with your AppleID

Unless you AppleID account has not been fully/correctly configured, or has been seriously neglected, recovery of the AppleID and password should not be difficult.

More information about recovery of your AppleID:

If you forgot your Apple ID - Apple Support

More information about recovery of your AppleID password:

If you forgot your Apple ID password - Apple Support

When you recover access to your credentials, you would be well advised to log-in to your AppleID account from a web browser - and verify/update any email addresses and trusted telephone numbers:

https://appleid.apple.com

While connecting the iPad to the computer, perform the specific gestures listed here:-->If you forgot the passcode on your iPad, or your iPad is disabled - Apple Support

Regards

Giulio

This support page may be helpful with troubleshooting:

If your computer doesn't recognize your iPhone, iPad, or iPod - Apple Support

zamir