Need help updating my phone

Start here: https://support.apple.com/en-us/HT204204

To update your iPhone XS, you must do the following things -

• Go to Settings
• Press General
• Press Software Update

It will say that it's up to date or to do a software update.

• Press Download and Install.
• (Optional) - Press Customise Automatic Updates, press these buttons, if you do that it will automatically update it for you.

• Once you have pressed Download and Install, it will download first which will take time, so please wait.
• After it's finished downloading, then press Install.

It will start updating, so please wait.

I hope you found this useful.

Let me know if it works.