How do I reset an iPad for me to use?

What you are encountering is Activation Lock or related to it. This is a security feature, in part to deter re-selling of stolen devices. Click on the link to read more about 'Activation Lock for iPhone, iPad, and iPod touch' --> http://support.apple.com/HT201365

An activation lock can only be removed using information for the account that applied the lock. If you know this information follow the onscreen steps to enter the Apple ID and password used to set up the device, or enter the device passcode.

If the required information is not known, the official owner of the deceased person's things as can be proven by documentation needs to try one of these things:

Read this link to discover "How to request access to a deceased family member's Apple accounts" [and devices] - https://support.apple.com/HT208510

OR

- Apple can remove a lock if a person can provide sufficient evidence of valid ownership. Do this online here --> https://al-support.apple.com/#/additional-support Apple says, "Proof of ownership documentation is required," but does not state what constitutes proof. This might be similar to what is required in the previous section.

Alternatively you may be able to do this at an Apple Store.

Expanding upon Limnos’ comments…

Here are the Apple support pages that outline the Activation Lock - and the only mechanisms by which it can be turned off:

Activation Lock for iPhone, iPad, and iPod touch - Apple Support

Turn off Activation Lock – Apple Support

As you will discover, unless you are the owner of the AppleID that was last used to activate the device, you’ll not be able to defeat or bypass the Activation Lock. With documentary evidence that you are the original owner (such as sales receipt showing the serial number), Apple may be prepared to assist - otherwise they and nobody here will be able to help you.

If you have the necessary documentation, Apple have recently introduced a new portal though which you may be able to request release of an Activation Lock:

How to remove Activation Lock - Apple Support & start an Activation Lock support request.

However, this isn’t necessarily the end of the story...

A close Family member or Executor, with the required supporting paperwork, can make application to Apple to be granted access to the Apple accounts of the deceased:

How to request access to a deceased family member's Apple accounts - Apple Support

Quite often, close family also have sufficient knowledge - and access to likely recovery paths - that access to the AppleID account of the deceased family member can be recovered. Having done so, it is then possible to release the Activation Lock that prevents reuse of an iPad/iPhone.

The following guidance is written from the perspective of the owner - but a family member will get the idea as they run through the process.

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If your device is Activation Locked, this help page will provide most of the information that you’ll need:

Activation Lock for iPhone, iPad, and iPod touch - Apple Support

If you have forgotten your AppleID or associated password, these can be recovered here:

https://iforgot.apple.com/

To recover your credentials, you’ll need access to any one of the following:

• Your primary email address mailbox that corresponds with your AppleID
• Any of the secondary/recovery email addresses that should be configured for your AppleID account
• Any of the trusted telephone numbers (fixed line or Cellular/Mobile) that are associated with your AppleID

Unless you AppleID account has not been fully/correctly configured, or has been seriously neglected, recovery of the AppleID and password should not be difficult.

More information about recovery of your AppleID:

If you forgot your Apple ID - Apple Support

More information about recovery of your AppleID password:

If you forgot your Apple ID password - Apple Support

When you recover access to your credentials, you would be well advised to log-in to your AppleID account from a web browser - and verify/update any email addresses and trusted telephone numbers:

https://appleid.apple.com/

If your intent is to wipe/reset the device(s) for reuse by a new user, you would be best advised to prepare them properly:

What to do before you sell, give away or trade in your iPhone, iPad or iPod touch – Apple Support

I hope between us that we have covered all the likely scenarios - and similarly hope that this guidance is helpful in fully resolving your current difficulties.