Hello Ric6.
Welcome to Apple Support Communities. We understand that your frequently visited sites icons are showing greyed out. We are happy to help.
We want to ask some questions to isolate the cause to assist us in coming to a resolution. Have you visited these websites recently that are greyed out? If you have not done so, please use the steps here to clear Safari history: Clear the history and cookies from Safari on your iPhone, iPad, or iPod touch - Apple Support
Are you using the latest software version for both devices? Apple has recently released an iOS and iPadOS update, please use the steps here to update your devices if you have not had the opportunity to do so: Update your iPhone, iPad, or iPod touch - Apple Support
Here’s some additional information on Safari bookmarks: Bookmark favorite webpages in Safari on iPhone - Apple Support
Let us know the results.
Take care.