ex wife has access to my text

Physical access for more than an hour, with a computer? And by IT knowledge I mean high level programming knowledge? not just being familiar with devices? Installing spyware is not a trivial endeavor. Its not something someone can just do without some very specific computer programing knowledge.

The other option may be if she has access to your Cellular service plan or account with your carrier in which case she may be able to access an SMS message list from the carrier website.

Family Sharing does not allow anyone to see messages from other people in the family sharing group it does not work that way. But you can verify you are not part of Family Sharing in Settings->Account(top of settings)->Family Sharing. If it asks you to set it up, then the Apple ID is not part of Family Sharing. Otherwise it will show the other family members there.

If there were any spyware it's impossible to know how it is stored and wether or not it would be on the backup since spyware can be very different things and behave in very different ways. It's possible it would be backed up and restored if the backup is used.

You can also check the device list in Settings->Account, and see if there are devices there you don't recognize, you can remove them from your account if that is the case by tapping on them and then on "Remove from Account".

Also check in Settings->Messages->Text Message Forwarding and make sure no strange devices are there.

bemax41 wrote:

Is she using a spyware?

Unless she had physical access to your iPhone for an extended period of time, and considerable IT knowledge to install one, Its highly, highly unlikely there is spyware on your iPhone.

If you have changed your Apple ID password to something she cannot know, then there would be no way for her to see your messages. The only way she would know is if the other people you are messaging tell her.

If she knows your Apple ID and password she can see your messages and a lot more. Change your Apple ID password and add 2 factor authentication to it if it doesn’t have 2FA already. And note that stalking is a felony; so you can also contact the police.