my ipad is telling me to connect to itunes to update

Try to update it via computer (if you don't have a computer borrow one from your friends/neighbors, or ask for help at an Apple Store or Authorized Service Provider), then learn how to update your device manually if you're using a Mac with macOS Catalina or later, or if you're using a Mac with macOS Mojave or earlier or a Windows PC. (click on your preferred option).

If you still get no help, contact Apple Support directly, using this link:--> Get Support

Regards

Giulio