how can i update my phone

These are the generic instructions to update an iPhone to the latest iOS version:--> Update your iPhone, iPad, or iPod touch – Apple Support.

Specifically:

Assuming you're trying to update your device wirelessly, and bearing in mind that to perform such a procedure you need to connect your device to a reliable and fast Wifi Network with Internet access (no cellular data, unless you use a 5G network, no personal hotspot on your device, no VPN connections are admitted, no Low Power Mode enabled, and I suggest that you keep the device plugged into power during the whole update process), read this support article:--> If your iPhone, iPad or iPod touch won’t update

Keep in mind that, depending on the available storage on your device and/or on your wifi network speed, it might take 30-60 minutes to complete the entire update process.

If the issue persists, or if the iOS version currently running on your device is very old, try to update it via computer (if you don't have a computer borrow one from your friends/neighbors, or ask for help at an Apple Store or Authorized Service Provider), then learn how to update your device manually if you're using a Mac with macOS Catalina or later, or if you're using a Mac with macOS Mojave or earlier or a Windows PC.

If you still get no help, contact Apple Support directly, using this link:--> Get Support

Regards

Giulio