trying to reset apple ID but they keep sending code to phone that they shut down

Marking your own post as Solved may prevent others from trying to help because they think you have fixed your problem.

See if anything here helps. 

https://www.imyfone.com/ios-data-erase/9-tips-to-fix-there-was-an-error-connecting-to-the-apple-id-server/   -

https://appletoolbox.com/error-connecting-apple-id-verification-failed-how-to-fix/.  -

https://macreports.com/verification-failed-there-was-an-error-connecting-to-the-apple-id-server-fix/.  -

https://appuals.com/fix-verification-failed-there-was-an-error-connecting-to-apple-id-server/.  -

https://errorcodespro.com/there-was-an-error-connecting-to-the-apple-id-server/.   -

Some things you can try. Do you have access to another WiFi network where you can try? That has worked for several people.

Try a restart.

Restart your iPhone, iPad, or iPod touch    *

Try a forced restart.

Reset Device.      *

If he has 2 Factor Authentication enabled, if he can't recover the password, he will need to use Account Recovery. The Recovery Process is an automated process and the length of time it takes can vary a lot. Apple ID Support can only answer his questions. They can't intervene in or speed up the process. The article below has some suggestions to shorten the time the process takes.

Apple ID - Recover your Apple ID with two-factor authentication account recovery.   *