Hi khloe135,
Welcome to the Apple Community.
Re: "I really need help"
Commiserations! Looks like you have had your hands tied, when it comes to enjoying your Apple downloads / purchases!
It would be good to track down those unknown charges, and to clear the way for being in control of using the App Store.
_________________________________________________________________
Seems an Apple ID account and Apple Pay are quite different to each other., although they may use the same card.
I'm no expert, (we are all Apple users, like yourself, in this community) so am sharing the way it seems to me.
Your Apple ID is the account you use to access Apple services, like the App Store, Apple Music, iCloud, iMessage, FaceTime, and more.
Your secure Apple ID account is used to pay for everything from Apple.
Apple requires a payment method in your Apple ID account, for the first time that you use the App Store or iTunes
(This is required that first time, even if you are only downloading fee apps.).
_______________________________________________________________
Re: " It will tell me to log in to my Apple ID",
Seems a device needs to be logged in to the Apple ID to use the App Store:
(This is a bit different from logging in to your Apple ID account itself.)
This article from Apple support may help:
Sign in with your Apple ID
https://support.apple.com/en-us/HT204053
__________________________________________________________________
Re: "it tells me to add a card I give it my card info,
and it will tell me that this card is already on this account, in which it is,
This may mean the charges that have not been able to go through are seen as unpaid.
See if this article helps:
what to do "If your payment method is declined in the App Store or iTunes Store”
https://support.apple.com/en-au/HT203005
_________________________________________________________________
Re "I do not have the ability to update my apps"
If you can’t download or update apps on your iPhone or iPad.
https://support.apple.com/en-us/HT207165
_____________________________________________________________
Re "every so often, Apple will charge me"
How to see what Apple charged you for:
Apple Support have this article online that may help:
If you see "apple.com/bill" on your billing statement – Apple Support
How to Report a problem:
https://reportaproblem.apple.com/?s=6
How to request a refund::
https://support.apple.com/en-au/HT204084
_________________________________________________________________________________
Re: Apple Pay
(This is the "Using Apple Pay within App" community)
Apple Pay uses credit and debit cards to transfer money from your card-provider / bank for all other purchases.
How to: See your Apple Pay transaction history
https://support.apple.com/en-au/HT207959
How to: Manage Apple Pay cards and activity on iPhone:
https://support.applehttps://support.apple.com/en-au/HT203005
How to: Get a refund for purchases made with credit or debit cards using Apple Pay
https://support.apple.com/en-us/HT212779
_______________________________________________________________________
Re: "unexplained payments".
So it could be an App Developer (not Apple) who was making the small charges ?
To report a concern about an app, seems you must provide the URL of the app.
Find the URL for an app in the App Store to report a concern - Apple Support
How in-app purchases work:
Buy additional app features with in-app purchases and subscriptions - Apple Support
or
How to contact an app developer
https://support.apple.com/en-au/HT207959
All the best :-)