can't download iTunes for macOS Monterey 12.5

The iTunes app for Macs was discontinued and replaced by other apps when macOS Catalina was released, It cannot be installed on Catalina, Big Sur or Monterey. See information in What happened to iTunes? - Apple Support

I'm not sure what you mean by "connect before itunes" but you can connect with Finder to sync. See: Use the Finder to sync your iPhone, iPad, or iPod with your computer - Apple Support

or if your iPad is disabled and says to connect to iTunes, you can do that in Finder now. See: If you forgot your iPad passcode - Apple Support