why can't I just recover my passcode with an email?

eoj2929 wrote:

I'm locked out of my phone and can't access anything anymore, why can't I just not recover it by email?

Because that isn't how Apple has it set up, follow steps here If you forgot your iPhone passcode - Apple Support

Because Apple has no access to your passcode. It only exists on your phone and no where else. The only way to get back into your device is as razmee209 has provided, which is to restore your device to remove the existing passcode.