someone has control of my daughters iphone via switch, gesture and xcode it seems - HELP

In no particular order...

• Unclear what is meant here by "switch controls"? Not sure what is meant by that, as there are both external game controllers available and can be interfaced, and there are also accessibility features available and that can be enabled. Neither will brick an iPhone.
• Developers don't have device access without directly wiring directly into and accessing the iPhone from a Mac, and even then device access is still limited. Apple is providing a developer mode feature in iOS 16, and which will be available later this year.
• What you're describing here is not developer mode.
• SIM cards can have their PINs changed by someone with local access to the phone.
• SIM slots don't lock, absent physical damage.
• It is entirely normal and expected to be connected to Wi-Fi.
• A factory reset should revert and recover any device to normal operation, absent hardware failure.
• Robust and unique passwords and passcodes are absolutely necessary for secure operations.
• What has undoubtedly been suggested to you already—and repeated here—should have addressed this.

Given all the ongoing issues with Apple gear here (three phones disabled since May), maybe get a Google Pixel or similar, and use that.