New Apple TV remote setup

Apple TV HD, tvOS 12

That unit hasn’t seen software updates in years. We’re on tvOS 16.2 now. It is recommended to keep all your devices up-to-date for best support, functionality, general performance, and stability. When you get remote functionality, you will want to update the system software. Update your Apple TV - Apple Support.

No remote is set up on my iPhone or iPad

The software remote in Control Center is standard installed on any iPhone or iPad with iOS 12 or later. Setting up only has two actions: selecting the Apple TV unit to connect to, and (one time) confirming by copying the pairing code, if the mobile device wasn’t paired yet.

If you lost the remote for your Apple TV - Apple Support

Buy a Siri Remote (3rd generation) - Apple Store online

(You may buy earlier models remote from third party resellers that still have them.)

For pairing a replacement remote, follow the pairing procedure. Pair the Siri Remote with Apple TV - Apple Support. There are minimum system requirements for certain models remote though:

Identify your Apple TV remote - Apple Support

1. The (black) Siri Remote (1st generation) works with any Apple TV (4th generation or later), i.e. tvOS 9.0 or later.
2. Note that the Siri Remote (2nd generation) requires tvOS14.5 or later.
3. ➔ Note that the Siri Remote (3rd generation) [what is sold as new now] requires tvOS 15.4 or later. I.e. you need to update first.

Update your Apple TV - Apple Support

To update, you will need a functional remote; the software remote or a physical remote. Even the old style Apple Remote (aluminum) will do. Borrow or buy a Siri Remote (1st generation), or ask Apple for assistance with updating (you may need to bring in the Apple TV box).

That would happen with an Apple TV (2nd or 3rd generation) model. You will need a functional physical remote to assist in this part of the setup. If you can’t borrow one, then you may want to buy one.

Apple doesn’t sell this legacy model anymore, but some third party reseller may still have a few (Amazon, eBay).

The (selected*) Apple TV box would show the code on the TV screen.

I expect somewhat similar to this (found on the web, as I don’t have new devices to pair myself), overlaid on whatever was on screen:

*Note that the software remote has a selector for any discovered Apple TV in the vicinity that allows a connection. It may help to give your Apple TV box a distinct name, to tell them apart if needed.

That depends on your model Apple TV.

• With Apple TV (3rd generation), the code would appear on iPhone, to be entered on the Apple TV box. That mean you need an already functional remote to enter that code.
• With Apple TV(4th generation or later), the code would appear on the Apple TV box (TV screen), to be entered on the iPhone.

So where I am stuck is that the virtual Apple TV remote on the IPhone is asking for a pairing code which it states is on the box. But when I look at the box I don’t see any code mentioned

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Not sure where those screen shots come from, but they are not relevant to the use of the software remote in Control Center on iPhone. You are not pairing a HomeKit accessory here.