how do I change the name on my email

One of you should create a 'new' own Apple ID.

See the following Apple articles:

Set up Family Sharing

Set up Family Sharing - Apple Support

What is Family Sharing?

What is Family Sharing? - Apple Support

Make sure that each family member has a unique Apple ID

Make sure that each family member has a unique Apple ID - Apple Support

Did you share one Apple ID with your wife?

If not, check your Contacts, perhaps you have to fix your information.