They shouldn't go to you wife's devices unless you are using the same Apple ID.
Make sure that each family member has a unique Apple ID - Apple Support
I am guessing there issoe complex interplay of Apple IDs and settings that you have going and it may be easier for somebody to sort out the issue where they can interact with you realtime and get answers to specific questions:
To contact Apple, click here --> Choose your country or region - Official Apple Support
Select your country, then a product. If you don't see one that handles your issue then keep experimenting with selections until you reach one that gets you a chat session or a telephone call and get the representative to redirect you.
or:
Contact Apple for support and service by telephone --> Contact Apple for support and service - Apple Support