the "do not disturb" will not turn off, is on all the time

First thing to check is if a scheduled time has been set. Go to Settings > Focus > Do Not Disturb. Scroll down to "Set a Schedule". Do you have a scheduled time set in there?

Also if you have more than 1 device you can share your setting across those devices and the settings of those will be changed. This setting is located at Settings > Focus > Share Across Devices.

Also to clarify, is "do not disturb" always on or does it come on and your not able to shut it off by either the Control Center or through Settings?

Open Control Center, by swiping down with a finger from the top right of your screen.

Look for an icon labelled “Do Not Disturb” with a moon shape next to it.

Tap it to open its setting, and you’ll likely find it at the top of the next list with an indication that’s it’s turned on.

Tap it to turn it off.

Then tap anywhere else on the screen, or swipe up from the bottom, to close the setting and go back to the home screen.

To turn it back on do the same thing, except the icon in the Control Center will now be labelled with just “Focus”