iPhone 7 does not recognize any external microphones?

I have an iPhone 7. I've tried 5 different microphones, with Apple verified connectors, and even went to an Apple Store and let the staff try their connectors.

No matter what app I have running, no matter when I plug in the microphone, only the internal microphone records sound. The external microphone never does.

I've cleaned out the Lightning port with a toothpick--at length. I've rebooted a dozen times.

Is my iPhone 7 defective??

[Re-Titled by Moderator]