How do I recover recently deleted messages? Apple says to go to view and click "recently deleted" and that is not in the menue.

The "Show Recently Deleted" function is only present on iPhones and iPads, not on Macs sadly. Apart from this, messages that you've deleted will also disappear from this page after 30-40 days. If you do want to view these messages on your iPhone or iPad, check this page out:

Recover deleted text messages on your iPhone or iPad - Apple Support

You need to have Ventura installed on your Mac to be able to view the Recently Deleted folder. But, installing Ventura now won't help, since Ventura would have needed to have been installed on the Mac.....before.....the messages were deleted.