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... it says I need a newer version of the software but doesn't give me the option to in system preferences.

Is this the dialog you see (clink link to see the image in article):

If your Mac says that a software update is required to connect to iPhone or iPad - Apple Support

If so, all that does is patch iTunes to a version that is compatible with newer iOS versions. Use the install button in the dialog box.

This is a small download and WILL NOT change your macOS verison. I've done it several times with no issues or changes to my OS version.

Back up your data, check the application compatibility table, click here, and then on the download link for a more-recent OS. A Mac running Yosemite can be upgraded at least as far as El Capitan; full-version upgrades won't appear in the list of updates regardless of hardware compatibility.

Catalina and above won't run 32-bit software; if you choose one of them, use Go64 as well.

(238920)

Without pertinent details, we cannot help. What is the model/year of your device and which OS version is it running.

Just guessing because of that message: your Macbook is running the latest OS it can and it cannot be updated which may be too old to restore your newer phone.