Can't connect to Mac music library from iphone - Music icon is gray
I have tried to setup my iphone for Remote to control my Mac's music library. All software is up to date, Home Sharing is on everywhere and using the same wireless network. I get as far as "add a media library" and entering the four digit number in Mac music app but the Music icon on my phone remains gray and I can't connect. When I follow the exact same procedure on my ipad, it works with no problems. My phone is locked down medium tight but I've opened up every setting I can think of and it still doesn't work. I've reinstalled Remote on my iphone and told the Mac Music app to forget all remotes but still no luck.
iPhone 13 Pro, iOS 16