how do I pair my 14 phone to car so it works wirelessly?

Hi mrwhitefeild,

The first thing to note is that while many cars support CarPlay, only a few support wireless CarPlay. The presence of Bluetooth availability does not equate the support of that feature.

Per Use CarPlay with your iPhone:

"Set up CarPlay 

1. Start your car, then make sure that Siri is on.
2. Connect your iPhone to your car:

• If your car supports CarPlay with a USB cable, plug your iPhone into the USB port in your car. The USB port might be labeled with a CarPlay icon or a smartphone icon. Be sure to use an Apple Lightning to USB cable. 
• If your car supports CarPlay both wirelessly and with a USB cable, plug your iPhone into the USB port in your car. An alert on your iPhone will offer to connect you wirelessly on your next drives.
• If your car supports only wireless CarPlay, press and hold the voice command button on your steering wheel. Make sure that your stereo is in wireless or Bluetooth mode. Then on your iPhone, go to Settings > Wi-Fi, and make sure that Wi-Fi is also turned on. Tap the CarPlay network, and check that Auto-Join is turned on. Then, go to Settings > General > CarPlay, and select your car. Check your car manual for more information."(emphasis added)

Note that in those instructions, a CarPlay compatible vehicle may support the service via cable only, wirelessly only, or both.

If you're unsure which method is appropriate for your vehicle, consult the owners manual or check with the manufacturer to verify the supported options.

Regards.