I am trying to update my payment and am getting nowhere and extremely frustrated

See this article about updating payment methods on various platforms (iPhone, Mac, etc.): If you need to change or update your Apple ID payment method - Apple Support

"If you change your address, the credit or debit card information that you use with your Apple ID might be automatically updated by your financial institution, and you don't need to take action. But if there's an issue [such as you having a subscription or being a Family Sharing Organizer], add a new card first, then remove the old card."

Here is how you update your payment method on an iPhone or iPad:

1. Open the Settings app.

2. Tap your name.

3. Tap Payment & Shipping. You might be asked to sign in with your Apple ID.

4. Tap Add Payment Method, enter the new payment method, then tap Done.

5. Tap Edit.

6. Tap the red delete button next to the old payment method, then tap Delete.

Look for this application on your device:

That is the Settings App.

It is an app on your Home Screen. Swipe right or left until you find it, or search for it.

Search for it ( Use Search on your iPhone, iPad, or iPod touch - Apple Support ). Swipe down from the middle of any home screen and type the name of the app into the search field at the top of the screen. If it is in a folder, it will show the folder on the right of the app name after you tap on the app when it appears in the search."

Well done. You're welcome. :-)