not all received texts make a sound

iPhone XR, some texts ding our phones, and haptic our watches (version 8's), others do not.

We have iMessage on on both, sounds and haptics are on. Odd that some notify us, some don't , even from the same person.

We have a text cell number pinned for each of us that we use to address the texts, for our two cell numbers.

We also cannot tell which of the two pinned threads a text will arrive in, hers or mine. Tried addressing to both, still a problem.

We must constantly check visually for new texts, rather than being notified of incoming traffic.