airpods flash white then green and I cannot reset them

I am closely following the apple guide for resetting my airpods.

The however, the light flashes amber three times and then green instead of white, and I cannot pair to them.

I have ensured that the case is fully charged.

Additionally:

1. The right airpod does not cause the green light to flash on insertion or removal.
2. Sometimes when I open the lid after attempting to do a reset, I get a flashing amber light
3. The airpods are 100% not paired to nothing in my house
4. They are under warranty, but I cannot use Apple Support because they will not pair to anything
5. I have done the reset process so many times my finger is sore....
6. I have used lightning cable plugged into my macbook, it seems to do nothing but charge the case

Do I have to physically go to a genius bar for this? I'm out of ideas here.