how can I change my iPhone password when apple has me locked out by security delay? Frustration!!

Sounds like you chose to enable stolen device protection. It’s part of the security feature and outlined in their support articles for your information before enabling it. About Stolen Device Protection for iPhone - Apple Support

• Security Delay: Some security actions such as changing your Apple ID password also require you to wait an hour and then perform a second Face ID or Touch ID authentication. 
• When your iPhone is in a familiar location, these additional steps are not required, and you can use your device passcode like usual. Familiar locations typically include your home, work, and certain other locations where you regularly use your iPhone. If you choose, you can set up Stolen Device Protection to always require these additional security measures, even when your iPhone is in a familiar location.