Sharing an AppleID is fundamentally a very bad idea. When sharing an AppleID account, you will encounter all kinds of issues and unexpected behaviour. You would be best advised to create a new AppleID for one or other of you to use, keeping the original AppleID for the other.
Every user should have their own unique AppleID - and use this with their devices.
How to create a new Apple ID – Apple Support
After separating your identities, you can continue to selectively share purchased Apple Services, Subscriptions, Apps and Media using Apple’s Family Sharing features:
Family Sharing - Apple
Set up Family Sharing – Apple Support
Share App Store, iTunes Store and Apple Books purchases with Family Sharing – Apple Support
https://www.imore.com/how-set-up-family-sharing-iphone-ipad
As for your current difficulty with Photos being lost, or not being visible in iCloud, check the Recently Deleted folder in the Photo's App.
You may also be able to recover deleted files and photos by signing-in to iCloud using web browser:
https://icloud.com