How to stop automatic contact name/photo updates?

How can I stop my phone from automatically updating contact name/photos? There used to be an option to click “ask before updating” but it is gone. Lots of people who have many clients/contacts need to put notes in the contact names to keep track of who is who. (i.e. “Susie’s mom” or “neighbor in 738”). Also, I work with teenagers professionally, and I really don’t want selfies taken by teenage girls in my messages! I do like to have photos displayed in messages of friends/family.

It is maddening to make a custom monogram AND poster that still doesn’t look like the default gray initials, instead of just clicking “ask before updating.” Please fix this.