So telling me to "forget about flash" isn't really helpful
I didn't say that in those words, but for now that's the bottom line. Sorry you don't feel that "helpful", but there's nothing else anyone here can say. Unless and until Apple decides to allow Flash to be implemented on an iOS device, sites that are solely Flash-based won't work natively on any iOS device.
could you provide me a link to a thread that addressed the issue, successfully?
There is no completely satisfactory solution for Flash-only sites. The only solution for Flash on an iOS device is to take control of another system, either your own or a hosted service (Skyfire is one such, though it works only for Flash videos, not Flash apps), that can run Flash.
neither is a solution or helpful. The fact that this "issue" has been answered "literally hundreds of times here" means that it hasn't been solved to new users satisfaction yet
It means that regardless of how many times people ask, there is not going to be an answer anyone here can provide that is any different. All of this has been covered many times, something a quicks search of these forums for "Flash" will turn up. So there's no point in asking yet again when Flash is going to appear on the iPod. It wastes your time and just starts up an argument that has been hammered here in countless threads already.
As to getting out of a site that it so inexpertly coded that it locks up the browser when a Flash player isn't present, resetting your iPod is often the only solution. Sometimes, though, if you can get out of Safari, you can do into the Settings -> Safari and clear the cache and cookies and that will cure the problem. Not always, though.
Could Apple make a "flash bomb, flash grenade" that would "kill" flash when I hit it?
Flash isn't running, so there's nothing to kill in that sense. The problem is that sites that don't embed Flash correctly seem to cause Safari to lock up, not completing the page load but not releasing it either. Whether Apple could make a toggle that would reset Safari and not have to reset the entire iPod I don't know. You can comment to Apple in the matter here:
http://www.apple.com/feedback/
Regards.