Q: can i change my primary smtp server in iCloud?

You're still missing the point. First of all, a MM or iCLoud type account on an iOS device can ONLY send from the MM or iCloud account address - hence our suggestion to set up an IMAP account instead.

Secondly, prior to iOS 5, you could change the outgoing SMTP server for ANY account. There appears to be a bug in iOS 5 that prevents this. Even more reason to use IMAP instead.

Thirdly, if you send through Apple's SMTP servers, the From email address WILL be changed to the ...@me.com address.

Finally, Google's SMTP servers do the same thing and change the From address to the gmail address for that account. If that is what you want, fine, but it doesn't help when you have your own domain and address that you need to use.

So, in order to use your own address, set up IMAP accounts for mail and use an SMTP server that doesn't mess with the From address. Your original point was that this solution is too complicated, but it's not and in any case, it the ONLY way to achieve total control over the mail.

However, your problem only relates to the new iOS 5 bug and apart from that, you have no need to do anything different. So you don't need to use IMAP type accounts. But that doesn't mean others don't.

Not missing the point.  Actually agree.  Someone was simply stating that even if you changed your MM smtp to gmails it would still say your MM address even prior to iOS 5.  I was simply stating that wasn't true even though iCloud is bugged currently from letting you do this.  I've always dealt with my own domains via the IMAP solution as well.  Currently my hope is they will fix iOS 5 and iCloud soon to allow for a change in smtp.  I've submitted feedback for said issue myself.  Hopefully others will too and Apple will see it as a concern worth addressing quickly.

Sending feedback is good. Hopefully we can encourage Apple to quash these silly bugs.

But even when fixed, there is still the problem of not being able to change the email address (i.e. 'From' on outgoing messages) on an iCloud account which is unacceptable for many users.

I've spent a long time today assisting someone else to set up their IMAP equivalent accounts. It shouldn't take more than a few minutes, but there are some curious issues to overcome:-

First of all, you MUST ensure the password for the iCloud account meets all the latest security criteria, i.e. mixed case AND at least one digit. If your account is an old MM account or Apple ID, it may not conform and then you will be at a loss to understand why the incoming mail server refuses the connection. Modify the password to the correct current requirements and connection is suddenly possible. Shame on Apple for letting that one through.

Also, Apple are still having problems with some of their servers. Typically the same account on a Mac will work but not on an iOS device, it still cannot connect and collect mail. This seems to be temporary however and if you wait, it will eventually work. There is one point to be made here though. Apple's suggested configuration for an IMAP account accessing iCloud is to drop the 'pXX-' from the incoming server name, so just use imap.mail.me.com - it may help.

I cannot really explain that last point since I don't know what Apple is using the pXX prefix for, apart from a general belief that it must be to do with load balancing. So why drop it for an IMAP connection? My guess is that it doesn't really matter, but in order to publish the IMAP config in a technote, they would have to explain about using the correct pXX..... server address which gets tricky as everyone's can be different. So they just allow the basic imap.mail.me.com address to work anyway and it allows them to publish simple instructions for how to do it.

That's my guess anyway. Try it with the pXX- that your iCloud account uses and try it without. Whichever you can get to work, use that. The important thing to remember however is that initial failure to connect doesn't necessarily mean you have set it up incorrectly. Check that it is all correct of course, but then you might just have to wait a while for the servers to get their act together.

Actually the way this question has been answered is how I had my mail set up on all my devices and every thing did work after iCloud appeared with a minor tweak. I will not repeat what has been already said but rather add on to it

Incoming mail server works fine for me  with this setting imap.mail.me.com

Re sending from alternative address you can do smtp.whatever.com but in addition to this where you enter your email address you can  add multiple email addresses separating each one with a comma

IOS devices do not allow you to input a comma in the email field so just copy and paste the comma from somewhere else.  Now when you send mail you will have an additional option called from and a drop down box listing all the email accounts you possess.  I just made the effort of setting this up once years ago  Took minutes and never caused a days grief until iCloud appeared.  The only thing I needed to change was incoming mail server to as previously stated imap.mail.me.com and since then not a single problem. I can choose to send from my own domain my .me or any of my three alias from .me.  Hope this helps you.  Trust me it does work on 2 iPhones 3G and 4 and iPad 2 and iMac and macbookair

Regards