For point 1 have a look on your Mac:
Settings | System | Users & Groups | Your Account | Login Items
and see if iTunesHelper is there and ticked. If it has a yellow warning symbol next to it it has lost were to find this app which brings up iTunes when you connect devices.
It could have been messed up by an upgrade of iTunes. To set it up again you can add it to the 'Login Items' again. The iTunesHelper application is buried inside the iTunes application special folder:
Applications > iTunes > Contents > MacOS > iTunesHelper
you can navigate to it by looking at the package contents for iTunes (right click it). You can't add it by choosing the '+' button because you have to look inside iTunes.
- Open Users & Groups, your account, Login Items then next to it
- Open a Finder window navigate to iTunesHelper like above and then drag icon for it into the Login Items window.
Thanks for your answer. I think you must be on a different OS to me. Login items are in System Preferences - (System) - Accounts - your account - Login items.
iTunesHelper was there, so was already launching at startup.
I deleted it and reinstalled it though. To do this it seems as if you have to add iTunes to launch at startup. As you said you can't just pick the iTunesHelper application. Dragging and dropping into the login items window doesn't work. I don't want iTunes launching on startup so I just removed this from the list leaving the iTunesHelper there.
This has fixed the problem! iTunes is now launching again when I plug in my iPhone.
Thanks very much for your help and steering me in the right direction!