Two iPhones. One account. Can I have separate calendar alerts?

I have a new 4s. My wife has my old 3GS. We are using the same iTunes/iCloud apple I'd account. It's nice because she can make her own calendar and I can make my own calendar. If I don't want to see her calendar I just deselect it in the calendars to view menu. I can see her stuff if I want to and she mine by going the other way. The problem is Calendar ALERTs. Even if I've deselected her calendar, my iPhone still beeps a reminder at me from one of her Calendar alerts and vice versa. Is there some way to make it so that the alerts only occurr if I've selected her calendar to view?

I also have kinda the same problem with reminders. She gets mine and I get hers even though I've got two separate "lists" of reminders. Can I stop that?

Also a similar deal with contacts. Can we have separate contacts lists and only see the others when we want to?