Q: Where can I find my iPhone icon on my Mac?

There is no iPhone icon, it is not a hard drive and does not appear as such. The iPhone is detected in iTunes under devices and also can be detected as a camera.

http://manuals.info.apple.com/en_US/iphone_user_guide.pdf

I've read the manual before, I think you may have confused it with something else.

http://support.apple.com/kb/HT1478

I would also post in the iPod section

Glad you worked it out

Please could you tell me how you did the "enable disk use"? I'm stuck on this step. Thanks

Please see the support article I posted above

Thanks for your super speedy reply, but now I am stuck on "select the ipod icon in the source pane".  Where do I find the source pane? Cheers

The iPod should appear under devices within iTunes, left hand side. There is a screenshot in the article

Thanks but I am still confused as I still can't get my iPhone to appear on the desktop or the Finder.  And even if I do, can I transfer all the music that is on it onto the MacBookPro iTunes library as the comments later in your support article seem to suggest not? Most of the music on it is stuff that has come off CDs rather than purchased off iTunes.  Sorry to be such a luddite.

An iPhone will not appear on the desktop nor the finder, only in iTunes (under devices)

All content should reside on your computer and you sync to get the content onto your iPhone. If you have unpurchased music on your phone (not on your computer), and no backup then you will need a 3rd party program to transfer

Examples

http://www.copytrans.net/

http://www.macroplant.com/